Is your girlfriend pregnant, and you don't know what to do? Maybe friends and family are encouraging you to push her to have an abortion. Whatever your situation, you are not alone. Lots of couples experience an unexpected pregnancy and immediately worry about how this will affect their future. Abortion seems like an easy and legal solution, but it does have significant risks that you may not understand. Having a baby doesn't mean the end of your dreams.
It's hard to realize that women can choose abortion without the permission of the baby's father. Many women who have had abortions report that they were waiting for their boyfriends/husbands to stop them. Some even say that they sat on the abortion table hoping the father of their baby would "rush through the door to rescue me and take me away somewhere safe." She needs your friendship now more than ever.
Our society says that abortion is "a woman's choice," but most woman in an unplanned pregnancy don't want to make that choice alone. She is looking to you for support because she can't confide in many people about this crisis situation. When women hear men say, "Don't look at me to tell you what to do," they automatically believe the man wants the abortion. Be careful that you don't say something that you could regret. Assure her that you will stand beside her in whatever way she needs through this crisis. Inform her immediately that she doesn't need to have an abortion to please you. Tell her you want to help her in making any choices that will affect your future.
Confirming the Pregnancy
The first thing you need to do is find out that she is really pregnant and learn about your options. We provide confidential and free pregnancy tests along with many support services. Our center exists to help both of you make an informed decision. To help her understand your support, come with her for the pregnancy test. She has more to lose in this pregnancy than you do because it will affect her physically. If she truly is pregnant then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that may affect decision-making. Having your emotional and physical support will reassure her that you care.
Abortion has many risks to the woman- emotional, psychological and physical. While you may not experience the abortion physically, abortion can affect you as well. If you care about this woman in your life and the baby she may be carrying, you will want to protect them from harm. You need to know the physical risks of abortion are. Abortion Risks
Another alarming thing about abortion that we have learned from people who made this choice is that most couples don't remain together. Abortion doesn't seem to be the glue that holds a relationship together. Feelings of betrayal and hurt, compounded with the grief over the loss that results from abortion, can separate two hearts forever. If you care about this woman, encourage her not to abort.
Our center can help you in a variety of ways should she actually be pregnant. Our support services include pregnancy varification, prenatal care up to 24 weeks, maternity and baby clothes, prenatal and infant care education, childbirth classes for moms and dads, community referrals, etc. You won't be alone in supporting her in this pregnancy. We can help you share this truth with both families and explore all your options. Learn more about what a preborn child looks like.
At the abortion facility:
If you both determine to have an abortion and make it to the facility, ask the facility staff these questions:
Remember that abortion doesn't erase a mistake - it only adds new ones. Abortion is permanent. There is no undoing this decision. Wait and research all your options and know that we are here to help.
- What kind of abortion will she have? Will it be chemical or surgical? Ask about the risks. It's important that you both sit through any discussion about the abortion procedure. Most women will appreciate a man who wants to be with them through this difficult time.
- Who is the abortionist and what are their credentials? Be sure to write down their name. Don't let her sign any papers that might release them from any liability if they hurt her.
- Check to see if the facility is clean and sanitary. Many facilities are never inspected by governmental agencies. As a result, they can provide sub-standard care to their patients. If the facility doesn't appear spotless, find another one.
- If they offer ultrasounds, insist on being allowed to view the screen. Both of you have a right to view any medical tests that are being conducted.
- Should your partner have any doubts, take her home. There is no rush to make this decision. Any hesitation on her part could mean significant regrets in the future. Always remind her that you will support her in the pregnancy and don't want to push her into something she doesn't want to do.
- Accompany her throughout the facility. Should the facility staff seek to isolate you from your girlfriend/wife be immediately suspicious and ask her to leave with you for the time being. She needs you now more than ever and she also needs someone to ensure that she isn't hurt in any way. Whatever the facility rules are, there is no reason you cannot hold her hand through this procedure.
If you choose abortion or already have participated in this decision, be prepared that both of you may experience what is called "Post-Abortion Syndrome" or "Post-Abortion Stress." According to many studies that have been done on this subject, you may experience one or many of the following problems:
And many other symptoms.
- Fear of failure
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of making decisions
- Fear of taking risks
- Feeling of defeat
- Feeling unworthy
- Panic Attacks
- Suicidal thoughts
- Sexual dysfunctions
- Sense of loss
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms understand that you are not alone and our center exists to help you too. There is healing available after an abortion. Feel free to Contact Us
Suggested reading: Resources
For more information on these topics visit:
Abortion and Post-Abortion Syndrome Information